


Across a Continent and an Ocean

by SketchBot19



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Dorks in Love, F/F, Falling In Love, Loss, M/M, Original Character(s), Self-Discovery, Slow Romance, best friends fall in love, boyf riends - Freeform, boyfs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25200211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SketchBot19/pseuds/SketchBot19
Summary: After the SQUIP incident during the school play, Michael finds him self on the other side of the Earth, away from his best friend for the holidays. Jeremy and Christine's relationship seems to have hit a bump in the road. Rich is having trouble dealing with the feelings he tried to hide from by taking a SQUIP.Teenagers just trying to deal with life and all it's messy complications.
Relationships: Brooke Lohst & Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst/Chloe Valentine, Christine Canigula & Brooke Lohst & Jenna Rolan & Chloe Valentine, Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere, Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski & Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jake Dillinger/Rich Goranski, Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Rich Goranski & Jeremy Heere, Rich Goranski & Michael Mell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Eight Thousand Five Hundred Miles

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So, this is the first fic I've ever made for Be More Chill. I really wanted to explore Michael's Filipino roots. I'll be providing translations at the end of the chapter. Comments are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is on a vacation trip to the Philippines to visit his mother's family. He hadn't told Jeremy about it until the day before he had to leave.

**Michael**

December 14, 2019  
10:21 PM

*thump*

"Ouch!" I yelped after my head hits the window again. If this keeps up, I might end up passed out in a hospital. I looked out the window. It was dark now. I could see points of light from the buildings and twinkle of cars on the roads below.

"Good, you're awake now sweetie."

I turn around to my mom. Her smile looked worn, probably because this was the 14th hour of the flight. It the last few minutes now though. I looked over to _nanay_. She looked more tired than mom.

The plane landed smoothly. _Nanay_ said, after mom woke her up, her sister would be picking us up from the airport.

We got our bags and started heading to the exit. _Nanay_ was in a very animated conversation on the phone. " _Trapik parin talaga kahit kailan sa ESDA,_ _noh_ _?_ " I shrugged and put my white headphones on and pulled my red hood over my head. _Nanay_ had asked me to brush up on my Filipino. I was fluent listening as long as none of the words were too deep, but I did have difficulty speaking. I closed my eyes as we all sat down for a while, waiting for our ride.

♪

_Ang panalangin ko (My dream is that)_

_Ako sana'ng naiisip mo (I am the one you think of)_

_Bago pumikit ang 'yong mata (Before you close your eyes)_

_Ayokong managinip ng mag-isa (I don’t want to dream alone anymore)_

♪

I found myself listening to this song a lot. It's been about two weeks since the play. Jeremy. I sighed as I thought about him. His smile. His laugh. Oh Jeremy. Why did you always leave me heartbroken? A weak smile forms on my lips. I understand why he did it though, why he took the chance with the SQUIP. At least I think so. He wanted to be seen. To be seen as a person. Beyond just me of course.

It still hurt to know I wasn't enough. But then again I did have other friends. They were ones I made playing online games, granted, but it was still something. I know Jeremy is a nervous wreck both online and offline. I hate to admit it, but the SQUIP did end up doing some good on that end. Hell, he was able to actually ask Christine out. I am proud of him. I think.

"Hey!"

I was knocked out of my thoughts by a firm shake. I looked up and was greeted with the most shining smile I had ever seen. He was about my height, with beautifully tanned skin. His hair was dark and short, styled back. He was wearing a navy-blue hoodie and dark gray jeans. I looked at the boy questioningly and he nodded toward my moms and another lady who I think is _nanay's_ sister, Julia. The boy was looking at me oddly. I pulled down my headphones and hood.

"Hey. I'm assuming you're a cousin?"

"Not really." He replied. "Your aunt is 'babysitting' me." He said, making sure that 'babysitting' sounded as sarcastic as he could. "Anyway, you should get up now. _Tita_ said she would be treating us for dinner."

"Ok." I said, still a little confused. _Tita_ Julia was waving at us now. I stood up and joined them as the boy followed me. "I'm Michael by the way." Realizing we didn’t introduce ourselves at all.

"I know that already." He rolled his eyes.

"What's yours?" I asked back. That was kind of rude of him?

"I'm Nate." He said, sounding a little irritated.

\----------

"Dude!"

I blink.

"Jeremy?" I say, thoroughly confused.

"Who else, dork?" I hear him reply.

He looks different. His hair was messy. His skin seemed even paler. He looked like crap. I look up again as his hand waved about in front of my face.

"You really hate me this much huh?" He asked. "Literally running to the other side of the earth to get away from me?"

"I- I'm not running away. _Nanay_ wanted to visit her family. It has been a long while since she got to." I tried to explain.

"Sounds like this was a planned thing. Glad to know I was important enough to know about it the day before you left." He retorts. It's always so painful to see him so hurt like this.

I was about to answer back as I'm shaken awake once again.

\----------

December 15  
1:13 AM

Mom woke me up and I saw Nate walk from the passenger's side to the trunk. Mom explained that _nanay_ asked to go straight to her sister's house because she very tired. Same. _Tita's_ house looked magnificent. Two stories with the first floor having walls made of stone while the second floor had old wooden planks on the outside. There was a large star-shaped lantern outside the largest window on the second floor and lights strung along the perimeter of the wooden wall. A large iron fence decorated with green garlands and star shaped lights separated the property from the street. Looking around the street, all of the houses had fences all decorated with glowing star lanterns and fairy lights. Nate smirked when he saw me looking around. He gave me my bag then we all made our way through the gate. 

The front of the house had a small garden with lights woven around the plants. There was a patio table and a couple of chairs in the middle of the garden. On the other side, there was the roofed, open garage with a silver car parked. I guess she had two cars? The one we rode from the airport was a black SUV.

_Tita_ went ahead to unlock the front door. We got in and _tita_ led my moms to the guest room.

"Diana, I know you will love what I did to the guest room for you! I remember you loved the beach so much growing up." _Tita_ said as I saw _nanay_ practically jumping up and down.

"Gabby! Look!" _nanay_ yelled at mom. I tried to hold back my giggles.

_Tita_ turned to look at me and Nate.

"I'm not sure if your moms told or if Nate has explained but.." She trailed for a moment. "Nate here is the son of a family friend, _Tito_ Ramon. Nate is stays here while his father is working in Canada." Nate shuffled awkwardly. "There are only three bedrooms in the house," She continued. "So, you can either stay with Nate in his room or you can claim the couch in the living room."

After almost a full day of travel, I desperately wanted a bed to lie on. I took a look at Nate.

"Is it alright if I room with you? It will only be two weeks anyway." I asked, trying to look pleading but I know I just look like a tired mess.

"Yeah, whatever." He dismissively replied as he started walking toward the stairs.

I saw my aunt roll her eyes before giving me an encouraging grin.

"Good night _Tita_ Julia! Thank you again for picking us up and hosting us for the trip." I said as I walked off to the guest room to quickly say goodnight to my moms.

"I'll wait for you upstairs to show you where the room is." _Tita_ said as I heard her climb upstairs.

A few moments later I'm in Nate's room. _Tita_ had said that there was a spare mattress in the closet. Nate had helped get it ready. He looked good. Tan skin. Bright smile.

After setting the mattress up and putting sheets on it, he tossed be two pillows and proceeded to settle in to his bed. I took the pillows and let myself drift in to sleep.

\----------

December 15  
1:34 AM 

Jetlag is a bitch.

I stare at the ceiling. Then at the boy sleeping on the bed beside me. He was on his side, mouth wide open. Just like Jeremy. Fuck. Jeremy. I sighed.

So much shit has happened.

After the play ended with the entire cast having seizures. Everyone was fine afterwards. Well mostly, Jake was in a wheel chair recovering from walking on broken legs. Rich was in the hospital for a whole month. Jeremy was in for about two weeks. Everyone else was in for about two days.

_Nanay_ brought up visiting her family after Jeremy had been released from the hospital. “With winter recess starting this early,” she said, “Maybe we could spend Christmas back at home?” She probably did think it might be good for me to try to take a vacation after everything that happened. And I kinda feel guilty about agreeing.

Jeremy. He really wanted to be someone so desperately.

A solemn smile forms on my face.

Twelve years. Twelve years I have known him. And it doesn’t surprise me that he tried. With the divorce, the bullying, his dad’s shutdown. I tried my best to make him feel that he wasn’t abandoned. He didn’t see the worth in himself though.

I remember the days after the play vividly. I remember storming through the hospital doors with tears in my eyes. Jeremy hadn’t woken up until two days after the play. He looked pale, well, paler than before. He was a lot thinner but not as scrawny as he was before the SQUIP. Who new candy and soda were bad for you. I tried to hold back a chuckle.

After he woke up, he looked lost. Like he was missing something from his life. Like he had no direction anymore. All I wanted to do then was hug him. Tell him it was gonna be alright. But I didn’t.

I made sure to come by every day. It was the least I could do, best friend and all that. I got him an old Gameboy and a copy of Pokémon Blue. The way his eyes lit up was worth it.

Hid dad came in as often as I did. Mr. Heere had finally stepped up his father game. I’m glad that Jeremy could have his father again.

Christine came by a few days later. She jokingly said thanks to Jeremy for an unforgettable Midsummer Night’s Dream. We all laughed softly. Jeremy looked tense though. His dream girl was with him after all, and he did tank the play. Christine visited everyday since. It would take an idiot not to see Jeremy finally relaxing around her.

Surprisingly, Brooke and Chloe visited. It was awkward but they probably felt sorry for Jeremy. They brought us froyo and we chatted for a bit. Jeremy was really shocked that the came by.

Things seemed different after the play. No, they were different. As hard as it is for me to accept, Jeremy _did_ abandon me. I was a wreck for months. My moms were worried when they no longer smelled smoke in the basement. I had to stop. Getting high after your best and only friend for twelve years leaves you is not a good experience. The voices got louder with every puff.

\---------

December 15  
2:01 AM

I force my eyes close.

Before I drift off in to slumber. I see Jeremy’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Nanay - Mom  
> Trapik parin talaga kahit kailan sa ESDA, noh - The traffic is always bad in EDSA, isn't it? (EDSA is one of the major roads in the Philippines)  
> The song is Di Makatulog (Can't Sleep) by SUD  
> Tita - Aunt  
> Tito - Uncle


	2. Twelve Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is left alone after the two most important people in his life leave him. Roles are seemingly reversed as his former bully starts to befriend him. He wrestles with his feelings as the cool December air gets even colder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Jeremy's story parallel to Michael's in chapter one. The two chapters happen simultaneously.
> 
> Comments and critiques are certainly welcome. Hope you all enjoy!

**Jeremy**

December 14, 2019  
10:21 AM

“I don’t understand.” I say.

I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. This was really happening. My head hung low.

“I’m sorry Jeremy. This is hard. You’re sweet, kind, caring – it’s just…” Christine trailed off.

I’m glad dad isn’t home right now. I’m such a mess right now. The tears start flowing as Christine pulls me in. I hear her try to hold back sobs.

“…I don’t think we will work together as more than friends.” She says in a somber tone.

I let out a deep sigh as I try to compose myself.

“Christine… Th-Thank you f-f-for giving me a chance.” I try to say as the tears come again for a second wave. I break away from the hug and take a look in to her eyes. “I really mean it.”

She left a few minutes later.

It’s official. My life is back to sucking again. But this time. I take a deep breath. Michael. This time Michael isn’t with me. I can’t blame him from running away from me though. After all I had put him through.

We haven’t talked much about the SQUIP. It’s hard to talk about it, especially with Michael. There’s still this small part of me that thinks he _is_ better off without me. I _am_ the walking train wreck. To be honest, if I really was willing to leave behind twelve years of friendship for a shot with the girl of my dreams, maybe I do deserve all the crap that I’ve been given.

I wipe away more tears. Taking a breath, I try to calm myself down. ‘It will be ok.’ I tell myself as I may my way to the bathroom. I throw some water on my face. Maybe I should take a walk for a bit. I can feel my legs jittering. I grab my blue jacket and head out.

\----------

The weather is kinda shit. The sky is overcast, and the air is bitter cold. It’s also pretty windy. Not really sure where to go, I started walking to the mall. Then I bumped into a short guy.

“WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, TALL ASS!” He yelled.

There is no mistaking who it is. “RICH! GOD, I’M SO SORRY!” I tried to shout back, fearing the possible beating.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“JEREMY! How’ve you been buddy?” I freeze. “Dude! You ok?”

“Yeah.” I reply. Trying to calm myself down. It’s kinda hard to unlearn reflexes from being bullied constantly by Rich for years. He’s a nice guy though. After he got out of the hospital, he actually tried to get in touch with me and Michael. He apologized for being a bully saying that even though he was following his SQUIP, he still acted like a jerk.

“Sorry for scaring you there, man.” He said as he weakly smiled. “I think I still have some of the SQUIP reflexes in me. Anyway, what are you up to? Not making out with miss play rehearsal?” He teased.

“No. We broke up.” I said, trying to act tough.

“No way dude! That sucks.” He replied with pity in his tone. “So, I’m guessing you’re on your way to Michael’s to get stoned now?”

“Michael’s in the Philippines right now, s-so n-no” Try to say without choking up.

“Duuude. So, what are you up to now?”

“Just walking. Thinking.”

“Do you wanna hang?” He sounded sincere. “I was heading to the mall for lunch. Do you wanna come and hang around?”

“Thanks for the offer Rich, but I was really just out for some fresh air.”

“Awww. Come on dude. How about just yogurt at Pinkberry.” He pleaded.

“Fine.” I hope I won’t regret this.

\----------

The walk wasn’t bad. Rich and I ended up talking about which Pokémon we would be. Rich is convinced that he would be Gengar and that I was Caterpie. I argued that I would be Psyduck after all the beatings he gave me. He countered that I would be Metapod because all I do is harden. He got a hard smack on the head for that one.

We make our way to Pinkberry, still going on about what Pokémon we would be.

“Michael is definitely Wheezing.“ He exclaimed as we enter the shop. “And Jake is Machoke!”

We got our orders and sat down.

“I’m assuming you were on a walk to think. I get that.” He said sympathetically. “If you want to just talk or have someone listen, I’m here. I know how important it is to be heard.” He continued with a small smile.

“Why did you take the SQUIP?” Realizing it might be too personal I quickly add: “If you feel comfortable talking about it.”

“I wanted it to make me straight.” He said flatly. “Freshman year was when I first met him. He stole my heart, as cheesy as that sounds. I felt wrong for feeling that way. Imagine, I was already bullied for being short, small, and weak. Then you add being queer to the list? I just wanted to be normal…” He trailed off.

“That sucks.” I sigh. “I did it to get Christine. I guess it wasn’t lying when it said that the only way for us to be together is if she were SQUIPed.”

“Do you wanna talk about that? He smiled back softly.

“I don’t really know.” I take another scoop of yogurt. “I guess there’s still the guilt from putting everyone through so much.” Another scoop. “Jake still can’t walk.” I take a deep sigh.

“I get what you mean. I feel so shitty for everything I did when I was still SQUIPed. No one deserved what I did to them.” He smiles at me, looking apologetic. “That’s why I try my best to make it up to them.” He gestures at the empty cups on our table. “I know it won’t make what I had done ok. But dude, I want to be a better person.”

“You’re really cool Rich.” We get up and I hug him. “Really, really cool.”

We walked around the mall a bit more, this time arguing about the best way to kill a zombie. Then we both headed home.

\----------

December 14  
1:13 PM

Back in my room again. I start my music player then plop down on my bed. Girlfriend gone. Best friend gone.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” I shout into my pillow.

Why are feelings so damn confusing? I would be lying if I said I didn’t notice that things between me and Christine were kinda off recently. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure if the SQUIP still had an effect on Christine. The few weeks after the play, I still had Keanu telling me I was terrible. Stop stuttering. Stop slouching. Push that freshman. You know, SQUIP stuff. The voices did eventually die down though.

 _♪_ _  
You’d say I’m sorry  
Believe me  
_ _♪_

Maybe Christine’s SQUIP convinced her to have a relationship with me. If I really think about it, Christine and I barely have anything in common. She loved acting and singing while I’m content to just watch and listen. I love playing video games, but we never did find one we both liked to play. I love talking about spaceships and rockets NASA had developed but she didn’t seem to be that interested. She could go on forever on the differences in stage performances of different people for the same character, but I just got lost in the tangle of names she would spew out.

 _♪_ _  
I love you  
But not in that way  
_ _♪_

I eye my phone. Maybe I should call her? Rich is right, I need to talk about this. Ignoring how I feel won’t make the feeling go away.

I pick up my phone, dial the number and wait.

…

No answer. Of course. How could I forget that Michael is literally on the other side of the earth right now.

Things with Michael have been shaky since I took the SQUIP. He was there when I first woke up. I don’t think he remembers because he was asleep then. He really is an incredible friend.

Twelve years, he’s been there by my side. From riding bikes at 9 to dealing with the divorce at 12. The pains of middle school to the terror of high school. He’s been nothing but supportive. So, it always hurts to remember that I left him. That I failed the one real friend I had.

That was the first thing that hit me after waking up. The realization of how destructive my selfishness has been. How much damage I had caused. I guess this was the same for Rich.

I look over to the Gameboy Michael gave me.

I really don’t deserve a friend as good as him. I haven’t apologized to him. We haven’t talked about what happened in the past three months. I want to, and there have been so many times that I have tried. But I always end up wussing out. He never tried to talk about it with me. Either it was hard for him too or he didn’t want to if I didn’t want to.

God. I really don’t deserve a friend like him.

A familiar electronic chime fills the air as I boot up the Gameboy. I saved right before I faced Blaine in Cinnabar Island. This is gonna be easy. Blaine started with his level 42 Growlithe. I sent out the only Pokémon I had, my Blastoise, Michael. He ripped through Blaine’s entire team easily and I go ahead and claim the Volcano Badge and the TM for Fire Blast.

I play for a little while longer. As my music keeps playing.

 _♪_ _  
Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye  
_ _♪_

Michael. I need to make it right with Michael. I need to apologize. I owe him that. And I need to start being a better friend to him. I need to be a best friend to him

 _♪_ _  
You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go  
_ _♪_

I slide out of my bed and sit down in front of my desk. I open up my MacBook Pro.

December 14  
2:01 PM

Player 2: Michael, I have something to get off my chest

I know this has been long overdue, but I’m sorry

I’m so sorry for being the shittiest friend there ever was

I miss seeing you smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs in this chapter are:  
> Not In That Way by Sam Smith and  
> Already Gone, the cover by Sleeping At Last


	3. Twelve Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael goes to the mall and meets his cousins. They go ice skating then to an arcade. He also meets Nate's best friend and finds out more about Nate. Michael then reflects on Nate and his best friend's relationship and starts to realize something about his own relationship with Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter incoming. Hope you guys enjoy! Translations and songs are at the end. As always comments and kudos are very much welcome.

**Michael**

December 15  
9:13 AM

The sun blasts in blindingly through the window in to my eyes. Ugh. Good morning, I guess. A drawn-out yawn escapes my mouth as I try to get up. Nate is still sleeping on his bed. With no shirt on. I start to realize how hot it actually is already. I can feel the back of my shirt cling on to my skin. Gross.

I get up grab my clothes and head to the shower.

Turning on the water and letting my self enjoy the cool feeling on my skin, I relax. One day down, thirteen to go. Awesome. I wonder what the plan is for today. I remember mom saying we were only gonna stay in the city. I finish showering and dry myself. There was a knock on the door as I finished dressing up.

“I’m almost done!” I yell!

“ _Ang bagal naman nito!_ ” I hear Nate reply.

“ _Pasensya na._ ” I bite back sarcastically. I step out of the bathroom and I’m greeted by a gloriously tanned chest. I gulp. He flashes me a smirk then enters the bathroom.

Thoroughly embarrassed, I go back to the room. A notification rings on my phone.

FireBi: MICHAEL FUCKING MELL

Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving the country?

I’m gonna miss seeing that sweet ass of yours ;)

Anyway, dude, Jeremy kinda needs you.

BathroomBum: What do you mean? What happened?

FireBi: Christine

Just try to talk to him

BathroomBum: Ok, I will

What could Christine have done? She’s always so nice and sweet. She honestly made Jeremy happy and I’m happy for them. I go to chat with Jeremy and see he messaged last night.

Player 2: Michael, I have something to get off my chest

I know this has been long overdue, but I’m sorry

I’m so sorry for being the shittiest friend there ever was

I miss seeing you smile

Jeremy. Shit. I sit on the mattress trying to hold back tears. Jeremy finally apologized. Better late than never I guess. I chuckle softly. I’d hug him so tightly if I could right now.

Player 1: At the risk of sounding like a sappy friend it means so much for you to say that.

To be fair though, I haven’t been the greatest friend lately.

Player 2: MICHAEL!!!

HOLY SHIT

DUDE

You’ve been more than an incredible friend, especially after all that I put you through

Player 1: What happened, happened. I’m just glad to have you back after all that crap.

So, what have you been up to? How’s Christine?

A long, uncomfortable pause followed.

Player 2: We broke up

Player 1: Shit dude. What happened?

Player 2: I don’t really know. She said she doesn’t think we can work as more than just friends

Player 1: :(

That sucks. At least you know now though, instead of just always dreaming about it. Plus, being friends isn’t that bad right?

Player 2: I guess you’re right. Anyway, I gotta go. Rich is dragging all of us for laser tag tomorrow and I have a record to uphold.

Player 1: DUDE. I’m so jealous. Good luck then!

So, Jeremy and Christine are no longer a thing. A small part of me is happy and I don’t know why. Maybe because Jeremy seemed to be holding up pretty well? The bedroom door opens and Nate walks in.

“You’re going out in that?” Nate says as he points at my red tank top and black dry-fit shorts

“We’re going somewhere?” I reply.

“Yeah, _tita_ Julia said we were gonna have lunch at the mall then go ice skating with our cousins after. So, you probably want something warmer.”

“Ice skating?”

“Yes, ice skating. Go and change now or we’ll leave you and you’ll starve.”

Defeatedly, I go change clothes. Red sweater and jeans should be fine. I head downstairs.

“Better.” Nate said, looking at my clothes. He was wearing a maroon button up shirt and black jeans.

“Alright, now that everyone is ready.” _Tita_ Julia said as she entered the living room followed by my moms. “Let’s go!” And we go ahead, and we all hop in the SUV.

\----------

December 15  
10:43 AM

During the car ride. Mom brought up that I liked sushi, so we decided to go to a Japanese place. Nate was typing away on his phone while I put on my headphones and jammed to my music.

 _♪_ _  
Just take me with you when you go, go, go  
I know the things I said before, oh no  
Don't let it come between us  
Just hold on to the feeling  
When the distance starts to grow, grow, grow  
Just take me with you when you go  
_ _♪_

After about an hour we finally got to the mall. It was a very large building, five floors, decorated all around in lights. We got to the restaurant and placed our orders. _Nanay_ got a sushi platter for everyone. Nate and _Tita_ Julia got donburi rice bowls, my moms both got ramen, and I had tonkatsu.

 _♪_ _  
Six weeks, six months  
I forget how long  
I kept you waiting  
Testing your patience  
Our hearts don't break  
They just rearrange  
Cover the bruises  
Try to get through this  
_ _♪_

“So, how’s school been Michael?” _Tita_ Julia asked.

“It’s been alright. Things kinda got crazy toward the end.” I reply.

“Ah, yes. Your mothers told me about the play. I do hope your friends are doing much better now.” She said solemnly. “Did they ever find out what happened?”

“The police said that the Tic Tacs they found in the ‘pansy serum’ was contaminated.” I say.

“That’s terrible. I hope they figure it out soon” She replies.

“I’m just glad everyone ended up alright.” Mom cuts in.

I never told my moms what actually happened. I doubt they would believe me. ‘My best friend took a pill from Japan and drank Mountain Dew to be chill then it tried to take over the whole school.’ Yup. No one is gonna buy that shit.

“So, are you dating anyone Michael?” _Tita_ Julia asks.

I turn red. I can hear my moms try to hold back their laughter. “N-no _tita_. I’m not.” I try to compose myself. “I’m honestly fine by myself.”

A waiter came to our table and saved me from the rest of that awkward conversation. We ate while my moms and _tita_ Julia talked.

\----------

December 15  
1:07 AM

After lunch, _tita_ Julia brought my moms to go shopping while Nate and I headed to the ice rink.

“You’re really not dating a guy right now?” Nate asked nonchalantly.

“W-w-what do you mean a guy?” I reply nervously.

“Dude, you were practically staring at my bare chest this morning.” He replied. I could feel my cheeks flush. “And you literally have a pride flag on your jacket.” Right. How could my dumb ass forget?

I laugh nervously. “Oh, yeah. Well I’m not dating anyone.”

“Seriously? A cute guy like you.” He teased with a wink.

My cheeks were probably actually red now. “Yeah.”

“Do you have a crush at least?” He asked, sounding like a curious kid.

“No crushes either.” I reply shyly.

“Booo! That’s lame.” He complained.

I was about to say it wasn’t lame, but we were interrupted by a small girl slamming in to Nate.

“BEA! _Gusto mo ba akong mahulog_!” Nate exclaimed, trying to recover from being half-tackled.

The girl that just crashed in to Nate apologized and introduced herself as Beatrice, Bea for short. She had long curly black hair and was wearing a light blue sweater over a yellow blouse and black jeans. Following behind her was a tall guy and a tall girl. The tall guy had undercut black hair and was wearing a green basket ball jersey and jeans. The tall girl had shorter black hair, about shoulder length, and she was wearing a white crop top and black shorts. The two caught up to us and introduced themselves.

“Hi! I’m Jacinto, but you can call me Jack.” The boy says

“I’m Clara.”

“So, Michael, you’ve met your cousins now.” Nate says

“Come onnn. Let’s skate you bitches!” Bea yells as she practically pushes everyone along.

We paid at the counter and got changed in to our skates. Time to cling to the side rails for the next half hour. Why did I agree to this again? I take a deep breath as I enter the rink.

The other four skate straight to the middle.

“Michael! Get your ass over here!” Nate yells. Bea and Clara were skating together, holding hands.

“I don’t want to!” I yell back.

Nate starts to make his way to me.

“Need a hand?” He asks, flashing me a big grin.

“Fine.” I roll my eyes and he chuckled. He extends his hand to me. I take it and he guides me to where the others are.

“Is this your first time to skate bro?” Jack asks.

“No. Not exactly. I never really enjoyed it.” I reply, embarrassed.

“It’s ok Michael.” Clara said. “I was the same before Bea taught me.

“Don’t worry dude, I got you.” Nate said, gripping my hand harder.

Nate teaches me the basics of how not to end up with my ass on the ice and I start to enjoy myself. I gotta do this with Jeremy when I get back. It will be fun to show off a bit. We spend the rest of our time just goofing around and skating across the rink.

“Nate, is Kyle still gonna met up with us?” Clara asks.

“Who’s Kyle?” I ask back.

“He’s my best friend.” Nate responds. “And I think he’s still down to join us.”

“Let’s go to the arcade next!” Bea suggests.

“Good idea Bea. Kyle will definitely want to go now.”

\---------

We find our way to the arcade. We each get a card at the counter. Jack and Nate headed toward the basketball machines. I joined Bea and Clara to the claw machines.

“Clara! Look!” Bea said excitedly pointing at a small stuffed Toad plush. “Let’s try this first!”

“Bea, it’s gonna take forever to get that.” Clara responded.

“I’ll give it a try.” I say, swiping my card on the machine.

Carefully, I maneuver the claw right over the plush then press the button. The claw descends and lads right on top of the mushroom cap. The claw closes around the head of the Toad and deposits the plush down the chute. Victoriously, I clam the prize and hand it over to Bea.

“Woah! Just one try?” Bea exclaims as she looks over her new stuffed toy.

“I spent a lot of time in arcades with my best friend back home.” I respond.

“That’s so cool!” Be says as she hugs me. “Thank you!” She continues.

I smiled back. “No problem Bea.”

We moved on to other machines. We played a racing game. Clara won. Apparently she really loved racing. I didn’t do so bad, getting third place. Bea didn’t do that well, but she still looked like she enjoyed herself. After, we decided to go play air hockey. Me and Bea went first. For a small girl with short arms, she was really good. Like, it was impossible how fast she was. I couldn’t get a single point on her. Clara was just watching and giggled. After being thoroughly schooled, Clara and I switched. Clara did much better than I did, it seemed that she knows Bea’s weak points. I was watching play when a guy about my height approached me. He had swept back black hair with a single red streak. He was wearing a blue NASA hoodie and grey pants.

“Hey cutie. You here alone?” He said with a big smirk on his face.

I blushed.

Bea seemed to notice and rushed over. “KYLE!” She practically screamed.

“Bea!” Kyle huffed as Bea squeezed the air from him. She let go and Kyle caught his breath. “You gotta stop doing that Bea.”

“I see you met Michael already.” Clara said. “He just got here yesterday.”

“Ohhh. You’re Michael. Nate was right when he said you were cute.” He winked.

Trying to hide my embarrassment, I say: “I think I saw Nate and Jack over by the army themed shooting game.”

We make our way there and find Nate and Jack about to leave.

“Kyle! You finally made it.” Nate then rushed to hug Kyle.

“Nate, please stop. I’ve already been attacked by Bea.”

“Sorry. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

“Guys!” Bea shouted. “Let’s go there!” She pointed at the karaoke booths at the back of the arcade.

“You really want to do that?” Jack complained.

“Well, let’s make Michael decide then.

I look at everyone and grin.

“Better warm up those vocal cords!” I yell as start going to the booth.

\----------

Bea was really enjoying herself. Kyle was also having a lot of fun. Clara and Nate were more chilled back, but they still sang a couple of songs. Jack was sulking but he did sing at Bea’s request. He seemed to still have fun though. It was my turn again to sing a song. I was scrolling through the list and this particular song caught my eye. I selected it and grabbed the mic. Nate saw what I chose and grabbed the other mic.

“You know this song?” I asked, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah dude, I love this song. Taylor Trench is amazing.”

The music started and before I could start, Nate sung.

 _♪_ _  
Is it someone you can count on  
Always and forever  
Does he leave you feeling swell?  
_ _♪_

I then say:

 _♪_ _  
Yeah, I guess_

_Is he someone you can whisper  
Every private secret  
Knowing he would never tell?_

_Yeah,_

_Well, it sounds a lot like you have found the person_

_That I'd walk through fire for and keep on going!_

_Oh, wow, okay!_

_Oh! Sorry_

_Why?_

_You want to shout it out  
Go on and shout about  
The way he makes you feel inside!_

_Oh, everything's better with a very best friend  
Staying true together  
Getting through whatever!  
Days are red letter!  
Life is fun with a friend!_

_B-E-S-T_

_F-R-I-E-N-D_

_And a heart over the I!  
Life is just better  
With a best friend!  
Na na na  
_ _♪_

Nate was really enjoying this. He has a big grin on his face the whole time.

 _♪_  
Do you really feel like anything is possible?

Well, with a best friend, sure!

Someone you can lean on

Someone you can love to  
Even if you don't know why

I hear ya

Do you?

Someone to look up to

Kinda like a soulmate  
The all-around perfect guy

You're really getting this!

A boy to make me with

A friend to bake with!

Gonna get butt-naked--

OH MY GOD, just as friends, they do it in Sweden!

I didn't know that!

Isn't it crazy?

You want to stand and sing it  
And you want to tell the world

That everything's better with a very best friend  
Standing true together  
Them with you forever  
Days are red letter!  
Life is fun with a friend!

B-O-Y-F-R-I-

Huh?

E-N-D!

Ah! I'm just a terrible speller!

Oh, me too!

Best friends get you through

Your days when you're doubtin'

Can make all your outfits!

You chase away monsters

Can help explain Kwanza

Embracing your feeling  
And maybe revealing

She's my whole world!

He's my whole world!

(S)he's my best friend!  
My best friend!  
_♪_

We finished the song and the girls clapped. Nate did a small bow and sat back down beside Kyle. I took my seat as Bea and Jake took the next song.

After we lost our voices we met back up with my moms and _tita_ Julia. We said our goodbyes and headed back to _tita_ Julia’s house.

\---------

December 15  
5:30 PM

The sun was starting to set on the ride home. _Tita_ Julia asked Nate and I what we did.

“We went ice skating for a bit then spent the rest of the day at the arcade, _tita_ ” I replied.

“Sounds like you enjoyed yourselves. I’m happy you got along well with your cousins.” She responded

“I we really did have fun. And Bea, Clara, and Jack are really cool.”

Once we get back to the house it was already dark. Christmas lights along the streets made the whole city seem magical.

“Nate! Could you take my picture here?” I ask gesturing to the front patio where the wood beams were wrapped in fairy lights and star-shaped lanterns decorated the wall behind.

“Alright dude.” He says

He takes a couple of shots then we head back inside. We all got changed into looser clothes since unlike the mall, the house is not air conditioned. We hung around Nate’s room and I notice a picture of Nate and Kyle by his desk. Curious, I asked Nate about it.

“Hey Nate.”

“Yeah?”

“You and Kyle are really close, huh?”

“Yeah, we’ve known each other for, hmm, I guess twelve years now.” He looked wistful. “We actually kinda dated for a while.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He smiled weakly. “It was good while it lasted, but we both knew it wasn’t gonna work out.”

“He kinda hit on me earlier in the arcade.”

He laughed. “Yup. That sounds like him.”

“If you don’t mind me asking…” I say kind of nervously. “How did you guys start dating? Like, what made you think about it?”

“Why?” He raised an eyebrow. “You got a crush on your best friend?”

“No no no no. It’s not like that. I was just wondering.”

“Well, I knew he was bi. I was still confused back then. He was kinda the first guy I found myself attracted to. I noticed how much his smile could brighten my day.” His voice softened. “I guess I fell in slowly.”

I shot back a supportive smile.

“It may not have lasted, but I’m glad I took the chance because it taught me more about myself. And because I at least got to find out what would happen instead of always just thinking about it.”

“I’m sorry if that was kind of a personal question.”

“It’s alright dude. I hope it helps you.”

“What do you mean helps me?”

“Dude, you’re pretty easy to read.”

Before I could retort _tita_ Julie knocked on the door to tell us dinner was ready.

\----------

Dinner was incredible. _Adobo_ , _pancit_ , barbecue, and the most amazing rice I have ever had. _Nanay_ asked _tita_ Julie if they could have her favorite dishes and boy did _tita_ deliver. I happily stuffed myself full. Nate and I did the dishes then we all said goodnight and headed to our rooms. I plopped down on my mattress and opened up my social media.

Brooke had a new story posted, it was her, Chloe, Rich, Jake, Christine, and Jeremy wearing the laser tag gear. Jeremy was grinning. They didn’t look sweaty, so I assume this was before the game. I see another post of the game, this time by Rich. Jeremy won first place and Rich was celebrating being second. I guess none of them expected to beat Jeremy. I smiled. Nate looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“I know that smile.” He said, smirking.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s the smile of someone seeing the person they love.”

“Haha. Funny dude.” I say sarcastically.

“I’m serious dude. Whatever.” He said as he nestled in to his bed.

It got me thinking though. What he said about how Kyle’s smile made him feel. How his smile would brighten his day. Jeremy. I would be lying if I said seeing him happy didn’t make me feel good. But that’s a best friend thing right? I’m supposed to support him in the things he wants to do. I the things that make him happy. His smile flashes in my mind again. I sigh.

I go back to my phone and see a message.

Player 2: Micha!

Dude!

I totally wrecked everyone in laser tag!

Player 1: That’s awesome dude!

But that’s only because I wasn’t there

If I was, you’d only be second.

Player 2: In. Your. Fucking, Dreams.

Player 1: Is that a challenge?

Player 2: Maybe…

Hahaha

Anyway, how are you Micha?

Player 1: I’m about to settle in bed

Had a pretty fun day

My cousins and I went ice skating and went to an arcade

Player 2: That sounds awesome dude!

Player 1: Oh, and we also went with a family friend and his friend

Hold on, I’ll send you a picture of us

*dorks.jpeg*

From left to right, that’s Jack, Bea, Clara, Me (duh), Nate, and Kyle

Player 2: Looks like you guys were wild in that karaoke booth

Hahaha

Player 1: Yeah. My throat still hurts.

Player 2: Aww.

Rich says he hopes your throat gets better soon

He also said to add a wink for some reason

Were gonna have lunch here now. The pizza just came

Player 1: Oh right, it’s lunch time there

You guys go enjoy!

I’m gonna head to sleep now

Jeremy called me Micha. Holy shit. The last time he called me that was probably middle school. Why the fuck did that make me feel butterflies in my stomach. Jer. God. Fucking. Dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Ang bagal naman nito! – You’re so slow!  
> Pasensya na. – I’m sorry.  
> Gusto mo ba akong mahulog! – Did you want me to fall!
> 
> Songs:  
> Take Me with You by Wingtip  
> Best Friend by Taylor Trench and Alice Lee


	4. Never Saw It Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's laser tag time! We get to see the SQUIP squad hang out and a little drama develops. Rich is uncharacteristically anxious about something and Jeremy is dragged into a plot by Jenna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a break from writing last weekend. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

**Jeremy**

December 15  
8:45 AM

I hear a voice through my radio.

“Player one is down! Player one is down!”

Dammit.

I’m the only one left. We’ve barely breached the grey walls of the complex. I peek up from the boxes I’ve been using as cover. The dojo looking like building loomed high above, seeming too tall to even be standing. It was hopeless.

*CRASH*

The boxes exploded in to wooden planks and sawdust. A tall figure appeared from the settling dust. Before I could get up, it pinned me screaming “JEREMY!” over and over.

*SLAP*

I open my eyes and see a short blonde boy with a red streak in his har.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK RICH! GET OFF ME!” I yell at the top of my lungs, panicking at the intrusion to my privacy.

“The little guy down there seems to enjoy me taking you for a ride.” He said with a wink.

“FUCK YOU RICH.”

“Sure!”

“GET OFF ME!” I try to muster all my strength to push him off. I get him partially of when he finally gives up.

“Fine, fine. I’m just saying. If you want help, I’m willing.” He winked again and I try to fight the blood in my cheeks from showing.

“I seriously need to tell dad to not let you in anymore.”

“As if that’s gonna stop me from showing up here, Heere.” He scoffed. “Anyway, I’m here to drag your sad ass to the laser tag place. We all know how you can sleep in until it’s dark out.”

I stuck my tongue out. “Fine. I’m sorry I enjoy my sleep so much. It’s the only time I don’t have to deal with the side effects of having a SQUIP in me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dude. I had a SQUIP way longer than you did. If I can deal with it, so can you. You’re pretty tough.” He smiled as he extended his hand to help me up.

“Thanks Rich.” I grabbed his hand and got up.

\----------

I got showered and dressed. Shorts for mobility and light sneakers for stealth. A black hoodie so I can hide in the dark as much as possible. They’ll never see what hit them.

Rich and I decided to get breakfast after we noticed we were around twenty minutes early. There was a small café near the laser tag arena. We grabbed seats outside so the others could find us easily. Rich said he sent a text to everyone, so they knew where we were. We got some chairs from the other tables so we could all sit together. Then Rich and I sat beside each other. A waiter appeared and gave us the menu. Rich got a club sandwich while I just ordered chips and a milkshake, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that I wasn’t eating healthy. Rich looked nervous.

“Dude, what’s on your mind?” I started. “Do you have something you want to talk about?”

Rich looked up and sighed. “Do you think Jake hates me?” He seemed really beaten down.

“I don’t know dude. I mean, you did set fire to his house.” I said as a gently patted his back. “He did save you from that fire right? I’m sure that’s more than enough proof of how much he cares about you.”

“Maybe. But. I don’t know if you noticed but ever since the party he seems to try to avoid me. His head hung even lower.

“He could just need space for now. I mean, that party was a lot for all of us. And I think he’s trying to deal with no longer being able to compete as an athlete with how his legs are now.” Guilt rushes back in as a vivid memory of Jake being forced to walk on broken legs by the SQUIP plays in my mind. “I’m sure he still wants to be friends with you.”

“Yeah. Friends.” Rich frowned for a split second before switching topics. “So, how have you been dealing with being single again.” He asked as he beamed a bright smile.

“Honestly, kinda sucks. It always feels like I’m missing something.” Memories from play rehearsal dance about in my mind.

“You really liked her huh?”

“Yeah.” I blushed. “But I think years of pining over her kind of made me put her on a pedestal. I mean I was willing to do almost all the shit the SQUIP told me to do to get her. In hindsight, that wasn’t exactly a healthy thing to do.”

“Hmm.” Rich seemed to be in deep thought now. He only broke from his concentration after our food arrived.

“FUCK YEAH!” Rich said as he began devouring his sandwich. I rolled my eyes. For a small guy, he ate a ton.

\----------

We finished eating our food as a tall boy clad in a red letterman jacket in a wheel chair rolls over to our table and taps Rich on the back.

“Jake!” Rich blurts out.

“Hey, I’m not interrupting a date am I?” Jake teased.

I was about to correct him when Rich cut me off. “NO!” He looked uncomfortable. “I mean. I would never date tall ass over here.”

“Oh, so you like shorter guys huh?” Jake smirked.

Rich looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “I didn’t say that.” He said weakly. “I meant Jeremy is not exactly my type.” He quickly looks at me. “No offence dude.”

“Well I’m straight anyway, Rich.” I retort, mildly amused at how Rich was acting. Two girls then approached the table, both were holding cups of froyo.

“Brooke! Chloe! Glad you two didn’t bail on us.” Jake said grinning.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Be glad Brooke likes laser tag.” Chloe said sounding uninterested.

Christine texted that she was at the laser tag arena, so we all decided to head there.

“Christine!” Brooke yelled as she rushed to give Christine a hug. Christine looked startled but smiled.

“Brooke! Glad you actually came.” Brooke releases Christine from their hug.

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“I guess the SQUIP squad is ready to roll!” We hear from behind us.

“Jenna!” Brooke yells again as she turns to look at the voice.

We take a quick group shot before heading into the arena.

\----------

Rich signed us all up and we paid for one round. We were led to the small briefing room where they explained the rules. No running, no pushing, etc. Jake asked if there was a spot for him to watch and he was led to an observation deck.

We were then told to decide teams. There were four different colors for the vests. Brooke and Chloe dashed for the yellow. Rich called dibs on red. Jenna and Christine got green. I was going to join Rich in the red team, but the rest of the group said that was unfair.

We grabbed the guns and were then led to different hallways, one hallway for each of the teams. A count down then started to play.

“THREE!”

“TWO!”

“ONE!”

An air horn played as I start to enter the arena.

I quickly survey my surroundings. In the middle were big columns scattered about as well as a few foam cars turned on their sides. To the left there was a ramp leading upwards to a second floor. To the right was a hallway area with sections exposed by windows. I decide to explore the hallways carefully. Keeping my back close to the wall and my body close to the ground.

The hallway ended up being a maze. I heard footsteps to my left. I waited patiently as a green vest pops out from the corner. I shoot. The green vest lights up, confirming my kill. The figure turns around to see what got it. It was Christine.

“Hey! You gotta be sneakier that that Christine.” She looked pissed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know Jeremy. It’s the first game I’ve played so give me a break.” She then started to leave the area.

“Hey Christine? Are you alright?” I asked. She looked bothered and it kind of makes me feel bad to see her that way.

“It’s nothing.” She replies flatly.

Doubtful I ask again. “Are you sure? I know we aren’t together anymore, but we are still friends right? And I’d like to help my friends when they have problems.” That was how it had always been with Michael anyway.

“It just…” She starts. “Never mind.” My vest suddenly lit up.

“TAKE THAT JER-BEAR!” Brooke’s voice rattled through the hall. Christine made her escape before Brooke could get her too. Brooke then chased her down the hall.

\----------

The game ended with a victory for me. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Rich, Brooke, and Jenna all put up a good fight. In the end though, I won by just a few points against Rich. We then decided to grab pizza since it was around lunch time anyway. We got to the pizza place and Chloe and Brooke ordered the pizzas while the rest of us claimed a table. I wonder what Michael is doing now. It kinda sucks he couldn’t be here. He loves laser tag. I grab my phone and message him. It wasn’t long till he replied.

Player 2: Micha!

Dude!

I totally wrecked everyone in laser tag!

Player 1: That’s awesome dude!

But that’s only because I wasn’t there

If I was, you’d only be second.

It was true. Michael has better reflexes than I did.

Player 2: In. Your. Fucking, Dreams.

Player 1: Is that a challenge?

Player 2: Maybe…

Hahaha

Anyway, how are you Micha?

Player 1: I’m about to settle in bed

Had a pretty fun day

My cousins and I went ice skating and went to an arcade

Player 2: That sounds awesome dude!

Player 1: Oh, and we also went with a family friend and his friend

Hold on, I’ll send you a picture of us

*dorks.jpeg*

From left to right, that’s Jack, Bea, Clara, Me (duh), Nate, and Kyle

Huh, I guess he kinda has his own SQUIP squad there. I get a sinking feeling. Nate and Kyle seem to be really close. Bea had her tongue sticking out and Jack looked like he was trying to block everyone else.

Player 2: Looks like you guys were wild in that karaoke booth

Hahaha

Player 1: Yeah. My throat still hurts.

Rich looked at me with a sly grin. “Is that Michael?” He asked as he peered over to our conversation. “Damn, Michael got some hot guys with him.”

“Rich.” I glare at him. “Those are his cousins.”

Rich grabbed my phone and read through our conversation.

“Hey!” I try to take my phone back.

“Not all cousins.” He says as he lets me have the phone again.

“Tell Michael I hope his throat gets better soon.” He said with a wink.

Before Rich could say something else, our food had arrived, and everyone started digging in.

Player 2: Aww.

Rich says he hopes your throat gets better soon

He also said to add a wink for some reason

Were gonna have lunch here now. The pizza just came

Player 1: Oh right, it’s lunch time there

You guys go enjoy!

I’m gonna head to sleep now

I put my phone back in my pocket and grab a slice of the cheese pizza.

“So..” Chloe starts. “Are you seeing anyone now Jake?” She seemed to be smirking at Rich.

“No. I’m not.” Jake replies. Looking confused. He turns to Jenna. “What rumor is spreading this time?” He asked looking slightly pissed.

“No rumor about who you’re dating Jake. Just…” She made a sly grin. “Just someone who wants to date you.”

“Who is it?” Jake asked, curious.

“I can’t tell you. I might be murdered right where I’m sitting.” Rich looks like he was avoiding all eye contact. Interesting.

“So how did you win Jake? With how your legs are and all.” Christine asked, changing the topic. Rich looked so relieved.

“I wasn’t running at all, actually. I think I just know how to hide in the darkness better than you guys. Jake replied.

“Hey! I won, not Jake.” I stated.

“Jer-bear, no one expected to beat you, so we weren’t really counting it when you one.” Brooke said and everyone nodded in agreement.

“It’s not my fault you guys can’t keep up. Michael would have beaten me easily to be fair.” I retorted.

“Yeah. It’s a shame the boyfs weren’t together.” Rich said mockingly.

“Boyfs?” Christine asked. “Ohhh. The backpacks. Right. That was cute Rich.” She said, remembering what had happened.

Brooke giggled. “It was super cute.”

“Cute? How is his bullying cute?” I ask, kinda pissed.

“Let it go dude. Girls are weird.” Jake said.

We chatted a bit more about how we were spending our early winter break. Brooke and Chloe said they spent most of their time at the mall. Jenna said she had been binge watching a bunch of detective movies. Christine was taking online classes on acting. Jake, surprisingly, was trying to learn how to sing. He said that singing was one of the things he really enjoyed doing while he was still recovering.

“I’m taking wrestling lessons at the local gym.” Rich said.

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Groping does not count as wrestling, Rich.”

“I’m not groping them, Jake. I respect consent. And I am actually taking classes.” Rich looked hurt. “Do you really think of me that way, dude?”

Jake looked a bit stunned. “I didn’t mean it that way, Rich. It was just a joke.” He patted Rich’s back. “We usually make those jokes, don’t we?”

“Yeah.” Rich answered. He looked sad now. “I should head home now guys, it’s almost five and my dad had something planned.” He then left the table quickly.

\----------

One by one the rest of the group left until it was just me and Christine.

“Hey, sorry about earlier.” She said. “I was pissed at you. Jake told me about you and Rich looking like you were on a date and it kinda made me upset.”

“You were jealous? Christine-” She cut me off.

“I’m not jealous.” She clarified. “I’m just- Ok. Let’s just say that in the month we had been together, I could see that you have feelings for someone else.”

“What?” I interjected.

“Jeremy. Please just listen.” I nodded. “You don’t have to try to defend yourself. That person you have feelings for is clearly very important to you. It’s clear to everyone.” She smiled knowingly. ”I know you still have regrets about them. I just want to be clear that that person is not Rich.”

“Rich? Gross.” I blurted.

“Good.” Her phone buzzed and she read the message. “I guess that’s my ride home.” She pulls me in for a hug. “You take care now, Jeremy.” I wave goodbye.

\----------

I decided to walk home. Walking helps me think better.

What did Christine mean? I would never even think of dating Rich. I’m not in to guys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean Michael is gay and we’re best friends. At least I’d like to think we still are. A frown starts to make its way on my face.

A light snow blanketed the street. The rest of the walk was peaceful and serene.

I think I know who Jenna was talking about, who had a crush on Jake. It was Rich. Especially with the way he acted. It kinda made sense I guess. I mean those two had been practically inseparable since second year.

I eventually make it back home. I go inside and walk to my room. Not really sure what to do, I grabbed the Gameboy. Maybe I’ll finish this game. I switch it on and the familiar tune of the boot up screen plays. As I was about to continue my quest to be the very best, my phone interrupted with a call. It was Rich.

“Jeremy! I need your help.” He sounded panicked.

“What’s wrong Rich? What’s going on?”

“M-m-my brother…” He said, trying to keep calm. “My brother found out about the guy I liked a-and.” I hear him take a deep breath. “He’s gonna tell him. Fuck Jeremy, I don’t know what to do.”

“Rich, you’ve asked so many girls out before. Why is this different?” I say, pretending to be oblivious.

Another deep breath comes though the phone. “It’s Jake. That’s why it’s different. I can’t- It won’t work. Not after I literally set fire to his house.” He was hyperventilating now.

“What do you need me to do?”

“I-I don’t know. Fuck, dude. How am I gonna…” There was a pause. “Be my fake boyfriend?” Rich blurted out.

“WHAT?” I say shocked.

“Dude hear me out. If we were ‘dating’ no one would suspect me as the dude who as a crush on Jake.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m straight.”

“Come on dude. I don’t know what else to do.”

Thinking back to what Christine said, this would drive her insane. “Rich, I don’t think it will work because Christine already called bullshit on us dating.”

“What do you mean dude?”

“She said that the broke up with me because she could tell that there was someone I valued more.”

“Shit dude, really?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I guess Jake told her his joke that we were on a date and she kinda got pissed at me a lot. She clarified that Rich isn’t the person she was referring to.”

“I’m screwed then.” He sighed. “Is there anything you want from my house before I burn it down?” He said in a scarily serious tone.

“DUDE! No burning houses! It’s gonna be fine. We’ll think of a plan.”

“No, it’s not! I’m so fucking screwed dude.”

“Why would Jake believe your brother instantly, anyway?”

“Well, he tutors Jake. But I don’t know.” He paused. “Sometimes I wish I still had the SQUIP you know? To tell me what to do. I just feel lost, dude.”

“I know the feeling. But I seriously doubt it would genuinely help.” Remembering how the SQUIP wanted to take over the world. “It’s gonna be fine dude. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“Alright. Fine.” He ended the call, at least he sounded calmer now.

I honestly hope those two end up together. Something about how Rich is acting makes me feel that he really is serious about Jake. I settle back in to playing Pokémon.

\----------

It was about ten in the evening now. I had dinner with dad, surprisingly he cooked for once. I was in my bedroom messing about with the Mii maker on the Wii when the doorbell rang. I got up to get it.

“Jenna! What’s up?”

She rushes inside. “Jeremy. Sit down.” She commanded.

“Alright. What is this about?” I ask, confused.

“I need your help with a scheme.”

“A scheme?”

“Yes. Rich likes Jake.” I was about to interrupt but she glared at me. “Don’t even try to argue. I have my ways of knowing. Now, those two are probably never gonna admit it to each other. And to add to that, I hear Rich’s brother found out and that blabber mouth might spill. I’ll deal with the brother.” She pauses and looks at me pleadingly. “I need you to get closer to Jake.”

“What? Why?”

“Rich gets jealous easily. I honestly think that’s why even after getting the SQUIP, he still hung around Jake. It would also explain how he seems to be in a better mood whenever Jake broke up with a girl.”

Thinking about it, the times when Jake didn’t have a girlfriend did line up with the times I could walk down the halls without being harassed by Rich.

“So, will you do it?”

“Alright, I’ll try my best.”

“Awesome.” She beamed. “I guess I’ll go now.”

We said goodbye and she left.

Now to figure out how to get closer to Jake. Maybe I could ask him if he wanted to hang out? He said he’s been singing, maybe he’d like to watch a musical? Before I could get my phone, it rings. It’s so weird to get this many calls. I take my phone out and see that it’s Jake.

“Hey dude, what’s up?”

“Hey Jeremy. Um. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?” This was gonna be easier than I thought. “It’s kinda boring here by myself.”

“Yeah sure dude. I could swing by there after lunch if you want.”

“Well, I was thinking I could order food here for lunch if you didn’t have plans.”

“Oh, that’s cool too dude.”

“Nice bro. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yup.”

“Alright, bye dude.”

“Goodbye Jake.”

If there was one good thing that came from me taking the SQUIP it’s the crazy group of friends I had now. To be honest, they’re a lot less scary than I thought they were. Just a bunch of weirdos.

I settle back in to bed and let sleep take over.


	5. The Things We Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's moms and aunt host a dinner party for their relatives. Nate opens up to Michael even more about his life. A game of truth and dare gets heated and ends up with a big revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Been dealing with gay problems. Anyway, here's the fifth chapter. The story is halfway done now. Translations and songs are at the end of the chapter. I hope you enjoy!

**Michael**

December 16  
8:22 AM

I wake up and hear muffled crying. I look up at the bed and see Nate lying on his bed, face down. He was trying to hide his crying. Should I leave him alone? Or maybe I could try to calm him down? Before I could decide he sits up and sees that I was already awake.

“Fuck. S-sorry for being like this.” He tried to compose himself.

“It’s ok dude.” I sit beside him and pat his back.

There was music softly playing, probably from his phone.

_♪  
Pagkagising sa umaga (When I wake up in the morning)  
Ikaw ang unang una (You are the first thing I think about)  
Hinahanap kita (I look for you)  
_ _♪_

Nate wiped the tears off his face and took a deep breath. “You know, I’m kinda jealous you get to have to moms. _Ang swerte mo naman._ ”

I awkwardly smile, not really knowing how to respond.

Nate looked grim. “I miss her.” He said, tears were running down his face again. “I m-m-miss her s-so much.” He said as he cried, head down on my shoulder.

It might be the best to just let him get it out. With him like this, it brings me back to when Jeremy’s mom left. It was brutal for him. Between the custody hearings and the gossiping in school, we would usually be like this every night. Him crying on my shoulder. Me calming him down.

\----------

Nate’s sobbing died down after a while. “How do you feel now, Nate?

“Shitty, but better I guess.” He stood up and gestured for a hug. I got up and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“No worries dude. Sometimes you have to just let your feelings out right.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He was about to say something but was interrupted by his stomach grumbling

“Sound like you need food now. Come on, let’s go. I think I smell waffles and chocolate.”

“Dude. I hope it’s _champorado_.”

We quickly change then rush to the dining room.

\----------

After three waffles, I had a bowl of _champorado_ in front of me with dried fish sprinkled on it. Nate, meanwhile, was on his second bowl.

“So, what’s the plan for today _nanay?”_ I asked.

“We were thinking of just having dinner here.” She replied

“I was gonna take your mothers to buy the food after lunch then spend the afternoon preparing.” _Tita_ Julia added. “We’ll be inviting your _titos_ and _titas_ as well as your cousins.” She turned to Nate “You could also invite Kyle over.”

“Oh cool.” Kyle said. He tried his best to hide his smile.

We finish eating. Kyle and I volunteered to do the dished. _Tita_ Julia and my moms then moved to the living room talking about gardening, I think.

I was rinsing the bowls and plates while Nate had the sponge for the dish soap.

“Can I ask you something?” Nate said.

“Sure man.”

“Do you think it’s a waste to love someone who won’t be there forever?”

I paused. Hmmm. “I don’t really know dude.” I try to picture myself in that situation. Having years of memories, experiences, and love with a person- then it just stops. It feels like being abandoned. Being forgotten. Being unwanted.

Jeremy.

But even though it might have ended, your past shapes you. Those experiences still happened. All those smiles and laughter still happened.

“I don’t think it’s a waste exactly. It’s unfair for both of you to ignore the fact that you did enjoy each other’s company.” I stop as I feel tears well up in my eyes.

We finish washing the dishes in silence then head back up to Nate’s room.

“Sorry about earlier, by the way.” Nate said, lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath. “I lost my mom to cancer about five years ago.” He said in a steady voice. “She was, honestly, my best friend growing up.” His voice broke. I moved to lay down beside him. “Dad got a job overseas after we found out since we had medical bills to pay. But, well. Yeah.” He turned to look at me. “Fuck, I’m sorry for dumping all that on you.”

“It’s ok. I kinda got a feeling you just needed to say those things out loud.” We both sit up and I pat his back. He was staring at the picture of him and Kyle. “Do you want to play video games dude?”

He smiles. “Sure!”

\----------

_♪  
But if the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
You'd come over and you'd stay the night  
Would you love me for the hell of it?  
All our fears would be irrelevant  
♪_

We played Halo on his Xbox for a while. We were talking and he brought up how he had a bunch of Pokémon cards and I convinced him to bring them out so we could play. He got the cards while yanked my headphones out of my phone and the music filled the room.

_♪  
If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
The sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tight  
And there wouldn't be a reason why  
We would even have to say goodbye  
If the world was ending  
You'd come over, right?  
Right?  
♪_

“Dude! You got the holo Charizard?” I carefully held the card. “It’s so cool.”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Kyle gave me that a long time ago.” He chuckled.

I went through the rest of the cards. Most of these were from the first run of the cards. There were even some Japanese cards. “Dude, did Kyle give you these Japanese ones too?”

“Yeah.”

“I LOVE HIM!”

“Woah, woah. Slow down there.” He said raising an eyebrow.

“Sorry.” I sink into my hoodie.

“Are you really that easy?” He looked at me skeptically.

“What? Retro stuff is really awesome.”

He laughed. “You and Kyle are almost like twins!” He said between laughs.

I glared at him. “This chubby mess looks nothing like Kyle.”

“Do you like vinyl records?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Vintage cassettes.”

“Yes.”

“Discontinued sodas?”

“Yup.”

“Dude, you ARE Kyle.” He laughed again.

“Why are you laughing though? Is being Kyle a bad thing?”

“Well, not exactly. I just find it funny how you two like the same things.” He looked me in the eyes. “He said that the reason he loved to collect all the retro stuff is because they were special. They were things in the past that won’t happen again.”

“And they’re valuable because of that. The history. The memory, The experience.”

We sat there in silence for a moment among the colorful cards scattered about the floor. Nate was holding the Charizard card.

“He really means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“If you want to talk about it, I’m a pretty good listener.” I say as hold up my headphones. He laughs.

“Not now.” He looked down to the floor. “I think it’s lunch anyway.”

As if on cue, mom yelled for us to go downstairs.

\----------

Mom got pizza for us. We finished eating fairly quickly and my moms and _tita_ Julia left for the mall again. The house fell quiet as Nat and I cleaned up.

“So…” He began. “Who is this Jeremy person?” He asked with a smirk.

“What?” I said confused.

“You kinda said ‘Jeremy’ a bunch of times last night. I wasn’t sure if you were asleep though.”

I left the dining room in shame. What the actual fuck Michael Mell. What kind of sappy bullshit is saying ‘Jeremy’ in your sleep?

Nate followed me as I went upstairs to his room. “Dude, do you want to talk about it? I’m a pretty good listener.” He tried to imitate my voice.

“Fine.” We sat down on his bed. “He’s my best friend. At least I like to still think we are.” I paused. “Things were rough for a while.”

“What happened?”

“Well, essentially, he was fed up with being a loser in school, so he took something to tell him what to do to become popular. He completely changed his personality and left me after twelve years of friendship.” Memories of the bathroom at Jake’s house rush in. I stop to calm myself down. “His dad then asks me to help. I didn’t want to at first but…” I look up at the ceiling. “He asked me if I loved his son.” I shake my head and look down. “I know he probably meant it as platonic, hell I thought it was platonic too, but with how I’m feeling about him now, I’m not so sure.”

“Do you feel happy when you think about him?”

I picture Jeremy smiling back at me after he said I was his favorite person. “Yeah, it feels like I can’t really let him go without shutting down a part of me.”

“It’s really hard to let go.” Nate smiled at me then looked over to the picture of him and Kyle. “We dated for a while, Kyle and me. I was so much more of a loner then. After losing my mom, it was hard to let people in.” He paused for a moment, looking out the window. “After a while, I opened up to Kyle about my mom.” He frowned. “I talked about how I felt then. How lost and alone I felt. How I kept myself isolated.” His voice broke as a tear fell from his face. “That’s when Kyle told me about his cancer.” He tried to hold back his sobbing. I moved closer to him for a hug. He calmed down after a few minutes. “He broke it off because he didn’t want me to be left alone again.” He wiped his face, with a small smile on his face. “He’s been trying to find me a boyfriend ever since.” He chuckled. “He told me that he doesn’t want me to be broken again.” Nate stood up and walked up to the picture. “Moving on is a bitch.”

I stood up and walked up to him. “Life’s a bitch.” I say. We laughed and smiled at each other.

He pulls me in for a hug. “It’s pretty killer to just talk to you.” He whispered in my ear.

“I told you I was a good listener.” We pulled back from the hug. “

\---------

We ended up playing on his Xbox again. Damn, I miss just playing video games like this with Jeremy. Nate paused the game to go pee, so I dug out my phone from the pile of clothes I had started beside my mattress. Twenty-four notifications? From Rich? I open up an see that Rich has been trying to call me. Shit. I hope he’s alright. I quickly call Rich back. He answered immediately.

“DUDE, HOLY FUCK!” He blasted.

“Rich, dude, chill. My ears are bleeding. What happened?”

“I- My bro- Jake-“ He stammered.

“Rich, take a deep breath.”

He did. “Michael, I guess I’ll start from the beginning. I like Jake. Kinda why I got the SQUIP. My dad very homophobic though.” He took another breath. “Things are kinda hard at home. Anyway, my brother found out and was threatening to tell Jake. I think Jenna ‘convinced’ him not to anymore. That was a few hours ago.”

“So, everything is alright now?”

“Well, it was, but…” Rich sent a picture. It was of Jeremy and Jake hanging out. Jeremy was on Jake’s lap while they were playing Smash Bros. I felt a deep pit in my stomach.

“WTF RICH???” I say not thinking.

“Glad to know we’re on the same page here. And also, glad to know I was right about you two.”

Realizing what he said I replied. “I mean, what the fuck Jeremy and Jake? Aren’t those two straight?” Trying to brush off Rich’s comment. Jeremy and I are just best friends. It would be weird for me to have feelings for him. We’re almost like brothers. Then again, Kyle and Nate are best friends and they dated. But Jeremy is straight anyway. I look at the picture again. Maybe he’s a little gay for athletes. I have no chance.

“Well, I didn’t think Jeremy was straight.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, because you two are basically boyfriends.”

“Dude, you’re crazy.”

“I’m serious. Well, at least that’s what my SQUIP told me. Sorry about the bullying again. It wanted me to get rid of any connection to Rich 1.0, so it hated anything queer.”

Nate got back from the bathroom at this point and was listening with an amused look on his face.

“I- It’s alright Rich, it was the SQUIP telling you to do that.”

“I think I should go to sleep now dude, It’s like three in the morning here.”

“Yeah, go to sleep now dude.”

Rich ended the call and I was left with a grinning Nate.

“Jeremy problem?”

“Yeah.” I showed him the picture.

“Shit dude, that’s gay as fuck. That’s how Kyle and I used to play when we were together.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

I shoved him. “Eww.”

He laughed and sat back down. “Do you want to try it?” He said with a deeper voice. Damn.

“It doesn’t look comfortable though.”

“You won’t know until you try it.” He said in the same deep seductive voice.

Hesitantly, I sat on his lap. He handed me my controller and we started to play. It honestly felt nice. It felt so safe wrapped in his arms. Now I’m kinda jealous that Jeremy got to do this with Jake. It must feel extra safe in those toned arms.

We played for a while until Nate paused the game.

“Give me your phone.” He said and he extended his and in front of me.

“Why?” I questioned.

“I was thinking…” I could feel the devious smile he had on his face behind me. “You should post our pic too. If he gets jealous, you know he likes you back. If he doesn’t then at least you know.”

“That’s stupid.” I said flatly.

“Pining over him for the rest of your life is stupid. Don’t you want to know how he feels about you?”

“I’m not even sure how I feel about him.”

“You don’t?” He sounded puzzled.

“I don’t.” I repeat.

“You sounded so jealous when you saw the picture…”

I bury my head in my hands. “I don’t know dude. It’s just…” I turn to face him. “Maybe I was jealous he has a new friend to hang out with?”

“Maybe?” He paused. He seemed to be deep in thought. “Oh, can I ask, what is a SQUIP?”

Fuck, right, he heard that. “Umm… Ok, I know this sounds like some sci-fi bullshit but it’s essentially a supercomputer in a pill that links up to your brain. You give it an objective and it finds a way to achieve that objective and tells you what to do.”

“What kind of Japanese anime plot is this?” He laughed.

“Dude, I’m serious.” I stare at him directly in the eyes.

“Ok, I believe you.” He still looked a bit skeptical, but whatever. It was a hard story to sell. “So that’s what made Jeremy abandon you like that? To be popular?”

“Well, not exactly. He was doing it to get a girl.”

“Yikes. That must have been rough for you.”

“I’ve always tried to be supportive with him and Christine. But…” I look down. “I think there was always a small part of me that was sad and jealous.” I looked back at Nate. “I’ve always thought it was because I felt like I was being replaced. I guess that did kinda happen.”

“So, do you wanna take that picture?”

“Alright.”

\----------

My mom called for us to go down stairs. It turns out that Kyle was already there. My moms were finishing cooking while _tita_ Julia was setting the table.

“When did you get here Kyle?” Nate asked.

“ _Kakarating lang._ ” He replied.

Nate looked at him with concern. “Oh, alright.”

“So, will your family be joining us today?” I asked.

“Yeah, my mom is here. She went to use the bathroom.” He answered.

“Cool. So, do you want to hang out upstairs?” I said.

In an instant we were dragged by a short dark-haired girl to the staircase. “YESSS!” Bea yelled.

We were sat down on the floor of Nate’s room in a circle. To my right was Nate, Clara, and Bea. To my left was Kyle and Jack. There was a bottle in the middle. Bea had a devious look in her eye. “Who wants to spin first?” She chirped.

“Michael should go first.” Jack said.

“Why me?”

“Well you’re the new one here.” He replied. It’s just truth or dare Michael. It’s not like you have something to hide right?

“Fine.”

“Ok, now spin to find out who screws you over first.” Nate said as he laughed and patted my back.

I spun the bottle and it ended up pointing at Bea. Shit. A sly smile broke across her face. She had something planned.

“Truth or dare, Michael?” She said in a sickeningly sweet tone.

“Truth?” I halfheartedly replied.

Her smile widened. “Who do you think is hotter? Nate or Kyle?”

I could feel all my blood rush to my face. Why would she ask that? I let out a nervous giggle. “Can I switch?”

“Sure, but only once.”

Everyone looked nervous except for Jack who seemed amused by the whole situation.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Nate.”

My eyes were wide open. “WHY???” I half-screamed.

She rolled her eyes and came close. “I know you think he is attractive, and I know he has a thing for you too.” She whispered in my ear.

“You gotta do it dude.” Jack said. “Don’t be a buzzkill.

Kyle looked shocked while Jack and Clara looked amused. I look over at Nate.

“It’s just a dare right? No biggie.” He said.

“Yeah no biggie.”

I leaned in close to my new friend as my cousins and his best friend watched. This was awkward as hell.

Our lips touched. His lips were soft but a little rough around the edge, probably dry. My tongue moved between his lips as my hand moved behind his neck. He parted his lips and for a moment I was breathless. Then Nate pushed against my chest and left the room. Everyone else looked concerned and in shock.

Bea rushed out. “I’ll go check on him.”

Clara and Jack followed her.

Kyle looked defeated.

A frown crept up on my face. I was thinking of Jeremy. His smile. His lips. Soft sobs pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Um, Kyle. Are you ok?”

“Um, yeah.” He tried to compose himself. “I- I didn’t know…” He wiped his face again. “Didn’t know it would hurt this much.” He laughed and gave me a pained smile.

“You still love him, don’t you?”

He laughed again. “Yeah, I guess it was more than even I knew.”

I moved to sit in front of him. “People always complain that short videogames are worthless. It’s a waste of effort and money. But that’s not true. A game doesn’t have to be long to be valuable. It just needs to be a good experience to be valuable.”

He took a deep breath. “It kind of hurts though. When you reach the end. The loss you feel because you can’t have that experience in the same way again.”

I smile at him. “We don’t really lose anything after. We will have that experience with us forever.”

“Thanks, Michael.”

“No problem, dude. Now, let’s go check on your boyfriend.”

\----------

Nate and Kyle talked about their relationship while Bea dragged the rest of us to play Just Dance. I am not a good dancer. Jack was though and both he and Bea kept teasing me about how bad I was. When the two finished their talk, there was a different smile on both their faces. Kyle’s mom, Maria, seemed to know what happened and looked relived.

Dinner was amazing. Mom made pulled pork and tacos, Nanay made sinigang, and _Tita_ Julia made ribs and grilled vegetables. Bea’s parents were just as bubbly as her and essentially lead the dinner conversation. _Tita_ Julia and Kyle’s mom seemed to have their own small conversation throughout the night. Jack’s parents looked strict but when Bea started playing Just Dance in the living room, they were the first ones to join her. My moms and Clara’s dad seemed to just be amused to watch the rest of the adults, but the moment I was _Tita_ Julia set up the karaoke machine, I knew I had to leave. My moms were terrifyingly enthusiastic about karaoke.

\----------

December 16  
10:47 PM

I had just finished taking a shower and putting on clothes. I was laying on the mattress, on my phone again. I couldn’t stop looking at the picture of Jeremy and Jake. I know how Kyle must have felt when I kissed Nate. When Christine kissed Jeremy. I grit my teeth as my phone rung.

“What’s up Michael?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Ang swerte mo naman. – You’re so lucky  
> Champorado – a chocolate rice pudding  
> Kakarating lang – Just got here.  
> Songs:  
> Hanap by Autotelic  
> If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels


End file.
